"What we are looking for is what is looking" ... St. Francis of Assisi
Funeral Fire
This is my journal entry from a couple of Saturdays ago. Here is what I wrote a week after the ‘Funeral Anniversary Fire’.
I will go back to last Saturday evening, 26th August…I prepared the fire pit and then Emily and me, I, lit the fire at 7:11pm. I used that time as it was the weight of Emily when she was born, 7lbs 11ozs. I felt it was more significant to do a fire this night, than the day of Judith’s death, as this was the 1 year anniversary of her funeral. I had thought to do a fire on the anniversary of her death, but it was a grey misty day, just like the day she died. So, a fire on the anniversary of the fire we, really Pierre D., did for the wake.
I asked Améthyste to get an article of clothing she didn’t want, I picked out something for Emily, I got Judith’s work boots and sneakers and I took my orange shirt. After the fire was going good, we took turns putting our items in the fire to symbolise the burning of the past, we said prayers and focused on our future together.
First I put Judith’s sneakers, then her work boots on the fire, I was hoping this would help deal with the difficulty I have to do yard work. She always wore these when she did the flower beds or the garden. Emily then put an old bathing suit on the fire, I found this was very appropriate for a Pisces and her love of water. Améthyste chose an old wrap, sarong, that she bought with Judith and she said was too small for her now. Another great choice, I saw it symbolising dancing, which both Judith loved and she loves to do. I then put my orange shirt in the fire, the one that I wore to the funeral, I was glad she got to see me in it while she was in the hospital. I felt very good with what we had chosen and to send these energies to her to help her remember and stay in touch with us.
Pierre D. came down later to visit, which is always nice, and stayed a short time to celebrate the fire with me…
Sunday morning I awoke, went outside and saw that there were still coals, so I re-started the fire. It was a very sunny Sunday afternoon, so I decided to have a beer and watch the fire. As I was sitting there, mid-afternoon, Jovette & Paul-David showed up. Jovette said, “I was hoping you would have a fire going and when I got out of the car and smelled the smoke I was happy”. It was really nice that they came to visit. We had a few beers, reminisced, and sat around the fire until about 5pm, when they left to drive back to Moncton.
Monday I awoke and felt more emotional than I had in awhile. I went around the yard and threw a few branches on the fire. It started for awhile, but I decided it was best to let it burn out, which it did. I personally found it a very hard day to deal with her not being here with me…life goes on.
Merci Minou…
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